2-lives

Moved!

2006-11-17T23:04:00.000Z

I am moving, well i have moved now, this blog because,

one of many reasons, however the main one being, i no longer believe i have two lives, being the title of this blog, because,

i may have had 2-lives or i may not have had 2-lives whether or not, i will leave you to decide,

i've decided i have one life and i'm living it!

email me for the new blog!

xx

Busy,

2006-11-14T23:05:00.000Z

its been a long time since i post, i will be doing so shortly, (its because i am.....read the title lol) sorry all....

Robin Hood!

2006-11-04T21:24:00.000Z

Entitled Robin Hood because i've watched it on the TV tonight lol I do actually quite like the man who plays robin hood and the one who plays Will. check out Robin Hood .

Its been a while since i have written anything, i have been on holiday to look at universitys.

however at the request of marz, i shall recap on all the characters and who they are.

Flo - is my best friend - girl - knows i am gay
Danni - another best friend - girl - knows i am gay - fancys Dan like mad
Alice - my other best friend - knows i am gay - Dannis best friend

Dan - the guy danni and me both fancy at school
Chelsea - Dans sister
Sam the trombone player - a guy who is quite fit who goes to the county windband who i do now know.
Issac, just a random guy at school - in my IT class
Tom - on of Dans friends - in my IT class
James - the only guy at my school who is out as gay!

dont think i have mentioned anyone else, if i have let me know and i will add it in the next post!

well whats happened recently, i have discovered from danni, via james, that Tim Carr is gay,

Tim Carr is someone who i went to school with about 5 years ago, who i actually quite liked and from what i can remember i knew quite well. whats odd is, (just have to fit somehting in first)

(we have a three tear schooling system in my area, 1st school, middle school and then high school)

i went out with a GIRL called alex at middle school (before admitting to myself i was gay)
but the strange thing is Tim stole her off me!!!! and whats more strange is mabye she turned us both gay hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha lol (think i overexagerated that laughing), but u get the idea! LOL

tim went on to a different high school and then i found out the other day because he goes to the same gay club as james.

and.....yes i am jelous of this because i want to go to a gay club, however it just isnt possible because my parents dont know i could always lie however people from my school go to this club with tim, and that would be kinda disasterous as they would see me and everyone would no!!! but the thing is i dont mind them knowing, its just the people from there that would find out! :S

moving on....a funny story

my mum told me this whilst up north on holiday, she met a man whilst walking the dogs one morning and he told her this,

"the prince in the local castle in 17th century, had a bit of a thing going with a french man, and the locals didnt like this, and so he was moved out of the castle, and he was killed by the locals shuving a red hot poker up his arse!"

now this story is funny, and quite random, and why was a man telling my mum this! how strange?!

i visited a city university whilst up north, and my mum doesnt want me to go to a city uni, as she says that i will spend all of my money! really she just worries about me, but if i dont go to a city uni, will i get a social life, i stand a better chance of evolving gayly so to speak than if i go to a campus university.

i'm wondering what it would be like if i got hold of tim carrs email adress, would he tell anyone if i told him i was gay and would anything happen along the line of anything LOL (that includes everything from talking to anything really LOL hahahah!) i wonder lol i would actually like to meet with him and talk to him in person. hmmmmmmm

thats about it for now,

leave coments please!!! anything at all!!!

xx xx xx

Sorry,

2006-11-02T23:00:00.000Z

Sorry to anyone who reads this blog, i will post soon, i have been extremely busy with universitys!

sorry all,

xx

Suspicions,

2006-10-21T22:06:00.000+01:00

Its been a while, and i dont know if i have much to say, but i think i will have in a weeks time lol!

i think tonights post will be based on events that happened on friday night,

Friday evening we went out for a meal, and on the way there, my mum was quoting a lady who she regulary talks to in our local post office and this lady has a gay son.

i know my mum has suspicions about me being gay and these are quite obvious at times,

the post office lady threw her son out when he was 16 and did the same to her daughter, my mum was trying to tell me that she gets on with her daughter when i know otherwise, and that her reasoning for throwing her son out was because she doesnt understand him and never did. This i find horrible, as because someone is gay suddenly people say they dont understand you, however secondly that my mum seemed to think that this is a perfectly good reason to disown your son.

telling my parents i am gay is a bridge i will have to face one day, (any advice would be much

appreciated), i am dreading the moment, however it is going to happen and i have a feeling soon, and i dont really like to think about it, however its something i must face. I think it will be worse than when i told danni, and i felt like the whole world had stopped spinning, it was a weird and horrible sensation that day, and the weeks to follow.

When my mum was accousing me of being gay last time she had a big argument with me, i remember her saying, "liking girls and liking girls is a different thing" lol i find it funny now but at the time it made me feel very angry and hurt, because it wasnt just that thing that was said.

The weirdest things i have done is to actually play along with what is said sometimes and be homophobic, but i am clearly lying?! (i hope i dont appear homophobic to anyone i know that is gay and i dont no is gay)(if that makes sense)

i dont no why but i feel like if i tell my family, i feel like i will lose all respect from them, anything i say/do will no longer be valid because i am "GAY" nothing i say will ever be right because "i am gay" ...... i dont want this to happen but i fear it will.

love and light,

speak soon

xx

please leave comment or email any advise.

Sam the trombone player!

2006-10-14T22:25:00.000+01:00

Today has been an interesting day, this morning, Saturday, had to get up early because it was S Wind Band, and I had a great time, Flo, and Alice were there and Lucy (head girl at our school) and it was good fun. I used to fancy Chris the drum player in the band, however I’ve now come to the conclusion that I like SAM THE TROMBONE PLAYER! Lol and he wasn’t there today! But he also goes the county wind banc so I should see him Thursday night! (is he gay, I hope lol!?!?-----Probably not!)

Marz email me………twolives1989@yahoo.co.uk……I emailed you from this address,

Flo has been at my house all day, shes gone home now, but we had an amazing time! She has a boyfriend and she talks about him an awful lot lol but I don’t really mind, I haven’t met him yet but look forward to!

For those people who like gossip, Danni is acting rather strange again, confusing girl! I love my friends who are girls and Danni just confuses me like no other. She has kind of stopped talking to me again and this is odd.

For some reason as before she has become defensive about Alice being her friend and her friend alone! And…..made a point of saying rather loudly to me “I won’t be on msn tonight because ALICE is coming round” this I don’t understand, as I spend every other night with Alice and every other Saturday! And I don’t ever mention it??? All I can assume is she is trying to make me jelous? And she is very possessive over people and information about people (dan)(she doesn’t tell me anything she knows about him)

And just now she has started talking to me, dan has been on msn for 2 and a half hours and ive been totally ignored however the second he is gone! Hi, I dint know you were there! Ahhh! Lol

She also has weird obsessions with knowing exactly where he is all the time, what he is doing and who he is with! Much like a stalker! Lol hahaha! She always asks me how long dan has been on, when he has been on, when he has gone, how long he has been set away for? And I don’t understand what knowing the information changes!

Not being bitchy but she asked him out, and he turned her down! So obviously her stalker approaches didn’t work! Hahaha! (he must think FREAK)

One more thing, before I move on, Danni is living someone else’s life, she is wearing all of a sudden which dans sister wears and if not what she wears she is wearing clothes that he would wear, hence the England t-shirt which made her look like a man!

In the middle of watching causality tonight, the theme turned into 2 gay people who had met on the internet, in the end of the story one turned out to be 14 and the other was 18, however he fell through a glass table in a gay club and was under aged, however the 18 year old was playing a character called “Jamie Becket” and with a lot of research I found he name, “Christian Cooke” and is amazingly fit! There is nothing on the internet so far as recent pictures go, just names of what he has been in, however I am pretty sure that there will be!

Sorry its been a while,

goodnight,

xx xxXxx

ps I have yet to find out who has gone out of x-factor (English pop idol) and I haven’t yet looked if there is any talent among the contestants! I hope so…..

A Gay Teacher!

2006-10-09T20:53:00.000+01:00

For some reason i am very excited about some news i found out on friday!

For everyone out there, as you know i play the saxophone, (i also play the piano) this means i take music at my college, and i know the music teacher (mr w) rather well, however,

he keeps me up to date on all the latest gossip arouond the school, ie staff wise!

my mum is a school govenor and she told me about a new IT teacher she had interviewed and had been employed, so this september came and i had my normal teacher for IT mrs b and the new IT teacher mr K!

Mr W sat there and said, that one of the p.e. teachers had told him that there was a gay marriage in the school and i said, "dont ask me why but is it mr K" to which he replied yes!!!!!

Lets just say i just kinda thought it but wasnt sure! but how fantastic! i just want to say how pleased i am, but i cant can i>?

he doesnt know any pupils know he is gay and no one nos that i am!

he would lose his respect if any pupils found out! but how great!

I think the world of this man, as an IT teacher, he knows what he is talking about!

and i found this really funny! my mum would flip if she found out, becasue i go on about him all the time, and she employed him haha! as she suspects i am gay deep down! haha!

I also wonder how a gay marriage works, i want to be invited to it, do they have 2 brides maids, 2 best men???? and do they say you may "kiss the groom"??????????????

I just feel excited about the whole thing, and i dont no why! but how cool!!!!!!

xx x

ps marz if you read again, can u answer my questions in the post called "where are you" below, email me if u like or if u dont want to answer thats fine?

Where are you?

2006-10-02T22:56:00.000+01:00

This is the second time I am typing this post, as my internet browser crashed!

So am not happy!

My sister today and her friends, were joking about gay people, this I don’t really understand, I fear how she would react to knowing that I am gay,

And this brings me onto a question open to everyone, however Marz in particular, I am wondering how family members react, not just your parents but your brother/sister (I think it is a sister you have?) Do they respect you less of a person? And how do uncles/aunts or grandparents react?

I hate and am confused by the opinions people form of gay people, for example, I am liked by a lot of people however the second they found out I was gay would they have the same opinion. They like me now, and being gay is only a small part of the person which they know, (actually depending on which way you look at it, it could be a very big part)?

I have an uncle who I think is a fantastic man, he has a very successful IT business, and I get on very well as I am interested and would like to work in this field. However he is completely against gay people, and doesn’t speak to his sister because her son is gay, I’m sure there are more issues but this is one which contributes to the factor? Why? He likes me now, but would all that change?

My next point is, gay people, where are you all? (correct me if I am wrong) am I right in thinking that 1 in 10 people are gay, that is 20 in my year and that’s 100 in the school? And all I know of is one! How am I at 17 supposed to find a boyfriend which I want so badly? Actually I think I know where you all are, you are exactly like me and have told no one that you are gay? And this is a problem………

More recently I have notice a lot of girls, flirting or noticing me, especially when walking around our local town/city. For some reason this makes me feel very uncomfortable. I keep catching girls checking me out, and for some reason I want to shout at them “I AM GAY STOP LOOKING AT ME!” I have no idea why and I don’t know why this makes me uncomfortable.

I was walking to Flo’s the other week and two girls were walking towards me, they started messing with their hair, smiling etc and when they had passed started that girly whispering and I just daren’t of turned around in case they were checking me out from behind, and I don’t know why this bothers me ???????????

Jade a friend from school, who I think as a person is great, keeps stoking my hair, ! yes I think she is a great person but obviously nothing else! Sorry,

Me and Jade have things in common as she is a mad Manchester untied fan and for the same reasons as me, she likes 2 of the players, Christiano Rondaldo and Alan Smith! I just want to say, yes jade I can see where you are coming from and YES THEY ARE FIT!

xx xx

ahhhhhh its raining!

2006-10-01T16:23:00.000+01:00

just to let poeple know around the world! there is a storm happening as i write this! lol

*and its raining alot, hence the title! lol

marz i am confused about how you came across my blog, did i leave a comment, or did you just find me lol? (i dont remember leaving a comment?) lol but hey, thanks for reading!

quite alot has happened with Danni, i entered my IT class, there was 2 people in the room, Tom & Issac, two of Dannis new friends, and they said to me, "Danni says there is another gay person in our year (btw no offence to james the only other gay person in our year (that people know about) but he is strange) who do you think it is? (does that sentence make sense? lol)

IMAGINE THE LOOK ON MY FACE! (world clasping inwards feeling..........)

I am going to maintain that i think they know it is me because she is/was the boy whcih she is closest to and who else would tell her such a thing! so apart from them kind of knowing it was me, i just said i had no idea!!!! (i must of looked as if i had commited a crime!) (as sophie entered the room and said, "you look ill, are you alright?) MY ANSWER WOULD HAVE BEEN NOOOOOOOOOOOO! but i said yeah! :S

I decided i needed to sort things with Danni to stop things going further, i asked her on a walk! However things went slightly wrong when all she did was shout at me to the point i stopped talking, got home and cried,
however, yesterday night, Danni appologised! ADVICE PLEASE ANYONE READING THIS?

i text Flo, to tell her (my closest friend) and i shall show you the reply!

"i think you should tell her 2 get a life n buzz off bt i no u wont cuz ur 2 nice.
she is a waste of time haha.
i will always love u lots n lots 4eva n eva.
Think im drunk hm xxxx"

haha! how great is she! yes she probably was slightly drunk but she is sooooooo great.

Anyway back to the Danni hinting to people i was gay, she admitted she shouldnt of done it, however i dont think she realises how much of a big deal it is to someone that is gay and what could happen to their life if the wrong kind of people find out.

Dan failed his driving test (overtook a cyclist on a double line), i will be in trouble if that happens , i would crash if its a fit cyclist! haha!

Thats it for now, i need to do some work! i will most probably post again later!

xx xx

Hello,

2006-09-26T22:18:00.000+01:00

Well firstly, i dont think anyone is actually reading this new blog yet, but i would like to be proved wrong. someone leave a comment!

Just got home from college and at the moment i am watching a DVD & writing this with a pen, it will be typed later. (i cant type this and watch the DVD because the computer doesnt face the TV)
I am watching Delta Goodrem Visulise Tour which HMV had to order in from Australia! kinda sad but i dont care! Its very good!

I have continued to read the blog of Marz
I am actually rather hooked, although i do sympathis with alot of what he has gone through and still is, experiences with his sexuality. I live in England, and in the countryside, therefore i was shocked about his stories of being beaten up due to the fact that he is gay. As far as i can tell the only person that would beat me up if they found out i was gay would be my father. No idea how he would react to it, however he seems to be quite a homophobe! and btw we dont have gangs in our small viliage.

Anyways, some gossip or some news on Danni, well , me and her so far as i can tell have finally reached the end,
story of how it ended:
she and her dad both bought the same new scissor sisters album for her, by mistake, and she asked me if i wanted to buy one from her. i said no,
This is when it all turned nasty (so far as i can tell) she then instantly demanded her DVDs back, which i gave her, however her next step was unexpected, her msn name was changed from "you dont know what you had until its gone" to!!!!!.......

"NEW ADDRESS""ADDING CONTACTS"

these were all written for me to notice! (which i did) lol

however i wasnt actually added to the new address, needless to say i actually know what it is! but this kinda hurt, "as what have i done to deserve this"?

so what did i do, the next day at school, talking to Alice, at college, i was incredibly angry, annoyed, upset and confused¬i was mouthing her off left, right and center lol. and i called her a bitch or i said she was bitchy, personally and honestyly i cant remember saying anything like that.

ALICE TOLD DANNI I CALLED HER A BITCH!

for some reason she was unable to accept this! lol hahahahaha

however to be fair, the was she was acting was like a bitch!

And that was that. i rang her up saying "we need to sort things out" and i was faced with the reply "i dont have to put up with this" and she put the phone down! hahaha!
(i dont understand how any of this has come about because up until a few weeks ago we would see eachother almost ever day after school and talk hour upon hour on msn!)
i also learned that she had been bitching about me the whole of that day to her "fake friends" the ones she hangs out with and the ones i tried to tell her about when all this kicked off a few weeks ago" however all that was sorted!

And her fake friends, i quote "we said her comes Danni again, i wish she would go away" she continued to sit next to them even though she isnt welcome. And her fake friends latest obsession is to go on and on to other people about her moustache, "lady tasche" lol Even JF has continued it and mentioned it! These are the people she forces herself upon. All because of DAN.

Only today did Alice in a study period get the idea how much the Fake friends dont like Danni, and alice was not only shocked with what she heard but she didnt seem to like the truth! i think it shocked her hearing people insult Danni for half an hour, about her moustache again was also amoung the insults! ha!

However as with the films "Final Destinations" it will catch up with her! (danni & i aint talking about death if u get what i mean) quite sad really! I wonder if Danni has turned like this because our relationship turned quite emotional and we got rather close? My only asumtion is that it is because i am GAY? and i hope that this isnt the reason, hope hope hope hope hope,

Today in a prefect meeting "yes i am a prefect" and "yes thats another sore point with Danni and Alice"
Break time, wooooo, i have never enjoyed my duty, lucy who i was on with, we decided i should go and stand by the other door, because the lower school aint allowed to take food our of the dinning hall!!! :S

i stopped a few people however "CS" tried to get out with toast! Dans sister! hahahaha!

She greeted me with "i dont like you," which i guess and is because no matter how hard she flirts with me, she gets no response! haha! i wonder why???????????????????
All her brother would have to do would be to look at me and he could have whatever he wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

The point is that girls have a slight disadvantage with me-however-she continued to tell me about how she hated Danni so much, and how checky she thinks she is and rude! (she aint kidding?") "she said about how danni helped her self to a drink at their house without asking in the cupboard. Thing with CS and Danni is there is a kind of war going on! because of how difficult "CS" makes life for Danni, me "CS" i am in total support of you!

CS also told me how much Danni fancied her brother (dan) and i couldnt help but adding how weird it is that she spends all her time with them in the comman room! i dont no i am such a BITCH!!!

Anyway back to the subject of girls having a slight disadvantage!........!.......! And this was apparent because there was this year 11 boy he had perfectly blond hair, really light and spiked up in the middle, it is so beautiful and so is he! i was sooooooooooooo letting him THROUGH the door! lol hahaha! , luckily his mates shouted out "you cant go through the door" to which he replied" i wasnt i was putting something in the bin" and to be honest i dont really care what he was doing!, he is just FIT!

SO WHETHER YOU GET THOUGH MY DOOR!!!..............depends on whether you are a BOY, and whether i think you are FIT. (or is you are dans sister) hahaha!

And i did let through some year 11s and told them if anyone asks, "i didnt let them through! i am awful lol! hardly sticking to the rules is it?

Going to have my dinner now,

may write more today, may not,

xx xx

Boy Blue

2006-09-21T22:01:00.000+01:00

Named from the song by ELO as i am listening to them at the moment! quite apropriate as dam jas blue eys! Blue eyes and blond hair!!!!! (if any one ever reads this) is there a different spelling for blonde? i always thought that the male way was spelt without an E? anyways!

beautiful (refering to Dan) lol

anyway again, what an interesting few days its been! my dads birthday on sunday and my mums today, on my dads birthday, we went to a shopping center in manchester, interesting it was!

As soon as we went in, a shop called mexx, had an amazing jacket i could use for school, however i had to buy my mum a birthday present, she had made me buy paul simons single off the internet when it came out and said she wanted the album, so putting alot of thought into what i bought her i went to birthdays and bought her a card, i then went into virgin and bought her the cd that i knew she said she wanted! We were having dinner in the resturant area of the shopping center, she asked what i had bought in the bag, and i told her it was for her birthday, however my mum insisted i showed her incase she already had the cd! so i did!

i said, "i have bought you paul simons album" in a very pleasing voice, however what followed was completely unexpected! she said she didnt want that album which at first confused me! however i thought nothing of it! until she listed other cds which she wanted, i then got shouted at and told i was wasting money, my dad and sister in total shock and my tongue fell straight to the floor so to speak! with my heart on the way! i had never experienced the feeling of total reject from a gift it was horrible. my mum then, get this, made me take back the present and get a refund!!!!
For 2 days she stopped talking to me as if i had done something wrong! and on the end of the second day, apologised and has now actually bought the paul simon cd again with my money for her birthday! sorry if i offend anyone but women dont half confuse me!!!!

Also my sister has bought my mum one of the oddest presents i have ever seen, she has made her an A4 poster type thing, which is entitled, "the law of straighness" however me instantly thinking how offensive towards me and all the gay people in the world, however my sister claims that it is to do with things being tidy etc, however i cant help thinking that its original intention as she first saw the idea in a shop is an offensive present!!!!?????

........

Delta!

2006-09-16T15:39:00.000+01:00

I am listening to Delta Goodrem at the moment, i love her voice and i have have ordered from hmv her australian tour! cant wait!

this morning i have been to my local wind band which i go to every other weekend, i am on 1st alto saxophone! I am not a brilliant fantastic player, but i am taking my grade 6 in November, so in that respect i am quite good!

I am rather addicted to the blog of marz at the moment still, if you go to the post called feelings on my blog there is a link, (alice also goes to the windband and she is on first clarinet)
There is a gay person in the band called tom, however i dont find him attractive at all, he is probably a nice person i think my sister knows him.

Unfortunately, my relationship with one of my good friends, Danni seems to be falling apart, i dont understand this as i thought we would be friends for life, however i have my reasons for feeling like this towards her.

As you know we had a big fall out to do with her not spending time with alice when i thought she should be, i sent an A4 letter of apology, this was accepted and all was fine, however the next day about tuesday of last week, i went into our comman room and Danni didnt even move her bag, she looked at me for a spilt second and then totally ignored me.
She also came down to the music room which is where me and Alice sit at lunch, she came in and said can i have a word, i said yes, then realising that she had brought Dan with her in an attempt to get at me.

she said, "no matter what happens between us i will......." omg i thought she is going to apologise and say always be your friend!.........................of course not! she said "will never tell anyone that your gay" this then making me more angry and off she marched with Dan back to the comman room.

Yesterday, we went bowling, part of a team building day for upper and lower 6th form, in the morning we had a quiz, Dan on another team to my right and Danni to my left with Alice as us 3 were a team. After every 5 questions the papers had to be marked by another team. and every single time she picked up our paper passed it to Dan stretching straight across the front of me and then waiting with her arm in front of me, to get their teams, all so that i didnt have any contact at all with him. this also anoyed me!

On the coach on the way to bowling she sat behind Dan, and constantly tells him what to do! she said, "stop biting your nails, i told you about that yesterday" she acts like his mother and this really really kind of finished me off! to realise how strange someone is!!!

Now the problem i have is this makes me sound incredibly jelous, and if it comes across as this, i really am not in any way, i have my relationship with Dan, its just as simple friends, however hers is forced and built upon a false and fake person, she is trying to be someone she is not and i dont understand this, example, Dan and his friends all went out and bought england football shirts for the world cup this year, What does Danni do, she goes out and buys an england football shirt, however not a girls kind of one, ie shorter, or more styled, a propper kind of one that all the boys wear! however the funny thing is, consequently she looked like a man! haha! She isnt the most femanine looking girl in the world and it didnt really help at all! but again her choice!!!

small conclusion here for a sec, it seems that me and Danni are growing further apart, however i am growing closer to my best friend, Flo!

Flo and I have been friends for a long time now, not as long as Danni and i but a long time, i am closest to Flo however she was the third person i told i was gay! (i must tell that story soon) Flo dosent go to our school 6th form she goes to a local college!

When i got in about ten last night, i gave flo a ring, i knew she needed to talk cos she had sent me a text that day and i had needed to talk about Danni and whats been going on so it was good. We sorted things out and she told me about her problems with her friend kate and i told her about me and Danni and it seems out we have similar problems about being left out. But none of it is that important because we have each other as great friends.
I am however concerned at the moment because Flo has a boyfriend called Tom, who seems very nice, however i cant help feeling uncomfortable about all the times i text and she texts me when she is with him, i just hope he doesnt think anything is going on between us, because it clearly isnt!!! I would be more interested in him LOL"!!

Thats it for now!, i may post again later!

xx

Moved

2006-09-16T15:38:00.000+01:00

This blog was moved from a previous after i told a friend about the old address and consequentally (spelt wrong) couldnt write the truth if it involved them, i copied the previous four posts below!

Feelings,

2006-09-15T07:52:00.000+01:00

Tonight i have read a blog of a gay guy in america, he posts under the name of marz. The amount of feeling and emotion and detail is incredible, that he puts into what he writes,
I have read a few posts on there however some things do ring alarm bells for me 2.
He ended up coming out in a way due to a computer, e-mails, texts and instant messages, this would also be my problem. I have pictures of male celebs who i fancy, and message history and emails for all of my 3 friends who know that i am gay. I often think our personal trackers also known as computers are to blame for alot of what ends up happening in our lives at the moment. (you wouldnt be reading this without one!)

next, sorry to go slightly deep on you, i also sympathise as my mum, suspects i am gay, i am sure of it, we had a huge argument which lasted a couple of weeks, where she would say to me "it is different liking girls and liking girls" however the thing which hurt the most was when i heard her talking to my dad on the phone, "i have asked his sister if she thinks he is gay because it was something i was suspecting, and she dosent think he is" ......... "my mum saying, i probably shouldnt have but i did," and as she was saying this she was laughing and that was what hurts the most, that some people think it is a joke, if only people realised what some gay people go through. I often say at the moment it is like living 2 lives, my third friend who knows i am gay, Flo, dosent believe this, but then if she was gay she would probably realise i am right, constantly thinking one thing and saying another!

Well goodnight all, i am going to watch hollyoaks which i recorded, i think i only watch it because there is a character in it called Rhys who i really like, Andrew Moss is his real name!

xx

Diary,

2006-09-15T07:51:00.001+01:00

Thanks for your comment,
I suppose yes you could call it an online diary, keep checking back or you may miss something !!! lol

here it is people, this is from 4 months ago when i told Danni i was gay, its in red italic,

"So yesterday went on a walk with Danni another good friend, however the subject of who i fancied never came up, but today it did and Danni has been pestering me for a few months now who I fancied. She fancys dan like mad. Well I told her today. It was so hard and my heart missed several beats when I said it, however she made it slightly easier as she said, “you don’t fancy Dan do you?” Which I replied “Yes” and at that point we both nearly died!"

The thing is i told Danni 2 weeks before my AS exams, and this took my mind of everything to do with them, my results show this, but it will all be fine, however the problem is i cant exactly explain to my mum and dad why i did so bad, not to worry lol!!!!

please leave a comment,

Hurt,

2006-09-15T07:51:00.000+01:00

Here i sit listening to christina's album back to basics, and listening to a song called hurt, it is a brilliant song.
One of my friends who i shall refer to as Danni, i have fallen out with, as things stand at the moment.
I have a friend refered to as Alice, who is going through very hard times with her family to do with cancer. Danni is spending alot if not all her time with the person she fancys, called Dan, thats his real name (i fancy him 2) (long story) and his friends and i feel that Alice needs alot of support at the moment.
Alice told me she was going to tell Danni how she felt about her not spending any time with her. So so far as i can tell Alice chickened out of telling her and i told Danni instead.
I said some very hurtful things and i know i was out of line. Today i sent an email to Danni and to be honest it came straight from the heart. I hope things get sorted out soon, its hard without someone you thought would be your friend and stick by you no matter what. Thats it for the moment, night,
xx

The Truth

2006-09-15T07:49:00.000+01:00

The Truth

Hello, firstly i shall introduce myself! for reasons which will soon become clear i shall keep my actual name top secret!

I am 17 years old currently, and i am attending a school 6th form, in England.

The story is that i recently came out as gay to 3 or my friends. This is a blog about my thoughts, feelings and experience about the issue.

None of my friends know anything about this blog,

thanks all,

xx